Sunday, January 1, 2012

Do I Deserve These?

Sometimes I think...

“I don’t feel like I worked my ass off, but I get what I need anyway. I think that there are people who somehow put more effort, or look more desperate to get it, but I’m the one who ends up getting it. As if what I did was really woth it; which I don’t think was.”

You may call it lame, but I always believe when they say  “what you get is a reflection of what you do.” In this case, it apparently didn’t work for me. For example: this whole holiday I’ve been planning something to do in order to get ‘something’, and today I just found out that someone has already done it for me, in a different way but in the same order. I was freaking happy. Well, what I was trying to say is that sometimes I don’t think I work so hard on everything, but I still get them.

It doesn’t irritate me. I am very glad, but... Did I do anything good? Did I pray so much? Did I help people? DO I DESERVE THIS? What was I even doing all the years?  Nothing. But he gave these blessings to me anyway. And it creates guilt.

I can never thank God enough of this; of everything I got in last year (believe me, it’s so weird to consider 2011 last year). I didn’t get everything I want, but I got everything I need; that I always believe.

I can’t stop being positive. And I have to always get that spirit to work my ass off, so that nothing bad will happen. Luck isn’t with you all the time, is it?

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